I know my disadvantages well, and I am willing to change, but sometimes, it’s just easier said than done!
I do have advantages, and I do know I can get this far, they helped me too much. But I do understand that things will get worse, if I can’t remove other obstacle on my way.
First of all , my bad temper ! I want to kill it for a long time , but its life is so tough. Sometimes, it comes without any reason, sometimes, it appears in specific situations. "Still water runs deep", I told myself many times to be cool , to calm down, even when I am playing games, I will use the <CalmDown>-like ID. Sadly, it doesn’t work. I have to find other way. So confused, so helpless. If the cry can help me , I will, but it does not.
Any problems arise, I will check myself for reason first, always, I know , you can’t blame anybody and you don’t have the right to. But sometimes I found I am entering a endless cycle, can’t get out of it. Maybe it is not the only direction I should go. Shall I change to another direction for solution?! I don’t know, I told you I am so confused.
So , I have decided to have a break after my contract, and leave me enough time to recall what happend and where i should go …
Secondly, I hate my hesitation sometimes. Once an opportunity comes or it’s times for me to make some decisions, I will wander,wander, wander, and think about too much things, maybe even things unnecessay. If I am the president of the United States, maybe this country has been erased from the Earth. This is a flaw in my characteristic which I have realized long time ago. You can say it can be an advantage, it makes you "mature", it makes you out of the young man group, but It’s not always true, in the opposite, it also means you do not want to run at any risk, to be good or to be bad. But I ask myself , what are you scaring of?!
This characteristic has a long history with me, I didn’t see it clearly until I started to play the game <<Heroes: the Might and Magic>>. Somebody says, If you treat your life as a game , you will leave nothing behind at the end. but I will say, how can you know that you life is NOT a game?! At least, you can learn something from the game to help you live, maybe live better.
After a long time since I played the "Heroes", I found that I often played it in a same way. I never go out too far to explore the map, oh, no, I should say , the world. I will develop the city to get enough financial support to train the army, until I think I have enough power, I mean, enough military force, I start to move. I will win 90 out of 100, but the disadvantage is that it sucks at the beginning, because, your level is lower than your enemies, they have stronger leaders, but I have not grew up. So , if you can’t survive at the beginning, you will be the loser.
Let’s see the other side of the mirror, If you go out at the beginning, you have equal opportunites to get the mines, the treasures, of course , most of the important thing , the equal opportunity to level up. But if you keep stay, you give up these opportunities to your enemies yourself. Don’t you think you are such a fool to do thing like this?! So you see, sometimes, Risk , is not always a bad word. You must learn to live with it and manage it, just put it under your control, It will bring you the things you should get.
At Last, I should say , thank you to hithbee, thank you for your words. and thank you ,daniel, you are much better than me in that point, hehe , that’s what i should learn from you.
The Chinese saying says "旁观者清",maybe I should get myself a mirror to help know myself well…
剑 毅 阁[EVOLUTION] 